


and i hate accidents (except when we went from friends to this)

by akosmia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, College, Dorms, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23381680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akosmia/pseuds/akosmia
Summary: He can't really look away from her face, which must probably be weird, but she's so –beautiful, almost mesmerizing, with sharp features and yet a softness about her that leaves him breathless. It's this weird duality – the stubborn expression on her face and yet the unexpected kindness in the back of her eyes – that captivates him and this is probably the moment that changes his life forever, a fixed point in time, the exact instant in which his existence splits in two.Or, the moment Ben Solo falls head-over-heels in love with Rey Niima, two minutes after meeting her, like the hopeless romantic idiot he is.-- or: tired of being around every time his roommate Poe invites his boyfriend over, Ben seeks refuge in Rey's room, until he's there most of the times (even when Poe's not around).
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 133
Kudos: 688
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	and i hate accidents (except when we went from friends to this)

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by this prompt on the [reylo_prompts](https://twitter.com/reylo_prompts) twitter: _College Dorm AU: Ben's roommate, Poe, is having his boyfriend, Finn, over. Rather than be trapped in a room with two lovebirds, he decides to meet and befriend Finn's roommate. He completely freezes upon meeting Rey"_ , but I changed a little bit because I have no control over what my last two braincell may decide to write, apparently.
> 
> Also, I've tried to be as accurate as possible, but I have to confess I have no idea how american college works and at this point I'm afraid to ask. If you spot any mistake, please let me know and forgive this tiny, distressed italian! 🙏🏻
> 
> Also this is just pure silliness and fluff, just so you know!

In Ben's defense, there's no sign on the door. 

It's not like they agreed upon that, he has to concede, but you'd think that if someone had their new boyfriend over so often – and it truly is often. Ben doesn't think he's seen what the inside of his room looks like during the day in at least two weeks, because every time he opens the door, Finn's there in various states of undress – well, if someone had their new boyfriend over so often like Poe does, they'd devise a way to inform their roommate that they're _busy_. 

A text. A note on the door saying _Hey, sorry to bother you, Finn's coming over, can you please not barge in unless you want to be deeply traumatized for the rest of your life? Thank you, you're the best roommate in the world, I'll never eat your cookies again._ The fucking sock on the door handle every college movie or tv show he's ever seen has talked about. Hell, he'd even settle for smoke signals at this point. 

But no. Poe, apparently, is above such nonsense. 

Which is why, after opening the door of his _own_ room on a Wednesday afternoon, Ben is greeted by a clear, unobstructed view of Poe's naked ass. 

Several things happen all at once. 

Finn, currently splayed under Poe, on his bed, lets out a terrified scream as soon as the door opens. Poe turns into the direction of the door with barely a hint of concern on his face, raising his eyebrows as if to show his moderate interest in the situation currently unfolding in front of him with the same indolence of an old dandy tired of the pleasures of the world. And Ben thinks all the life left in his body has currently fled and he's just this – an empty shell of a man with no goal and no hope for a future but just this terrible memory played in loop for the rest of his existence, which will probably be very short anyway, since he's adding _throwing himself off the cliff_ to the list of tasks of the day. 

He's not really thinking, when he lets out an irritated groan. " _Again_?" 

Poe, being Poe and thus unapologetic about everything he does – a quality Ben has never possessed in his life –, shrugs as much as he can while being still naked and on top of his boyfriend. "Well, you know how it is…" 

Yes. Ben _knows how it is_. He's already _known how it is_ four times this week and frankly he's getting tired of walking into his room only to find it occupied by the two of them, mostly lacking just their shirt if he's lucky. He's seen things he wishes he could forget and he thinks his therapist will probably have the time of his life with him.

All he ever wanted was to do his homework. He never thought it could be so difficult. 

It's not like he can't stand Finn – he's a great guy, he puts up with Poe effortlessly, he's got a great sense of humor and he hasn't made fun of Ben yet, all of which, judging by Ben's previous social experiences or lack thereof, are the pinnacle of human interaction, but there's only a limited amount of times in which you can walk into your room and being gifted _this_ before you kind of lose it. 

"Can't you move somewhere else?" he whines. It's a weird conversation to have while his roommate is still naked and not bothering to put on clothes and his boyfriend is lying on his bed with no trace of a shirt whatsoever, but by now Ben's become sadly acquainted with this kind of scenes, so he just sighs and quietly wishes for something to bleach his eyes with. "I just wanted to study in peace". 

Finn clears his throat. "Go to the common room?" 

Ben narrows his eyes. "I do not want to go to the common room". 

He's _been_ in the common room. Countless times, in fact. He's sat on the uncomfortable plastic chairs and looked at the walls for at least ten hours these past few days. It's getting tiring. Plus, if he's got to hear Armitage Hux talk about how shaggy his hair looks _again_ he thinks he'll go on a rampage. 

"Why not?" Poe inquires, with genuine interest, as if they were having a philosophical discussion over the meaning of life, and not bargaining for the use of this fucking room, which is Ben's as much as it is Poe's, by the way. "You could socialize there". 

"I don't want to _socialize_ ," Ben replies, fighting off the urge to strangle his roommate slash best friend slash main character of his recurring nightmares. He doesn't bother to tell him he doesn't actually know _how_ to socialize in the first place. "I want to study on _my_ bed in _my_ room and–" 

Poe opens his mouth again, probably to say something very stupid or irritating or both, but Finn mercifully decides to intervene, probably because he knows that both Poe and Ben are stubborn idiots when it comes to it. 

"Look, why don't you go in my room instead?" he asks, perfectly reasonable as if he wasn't currently splayed on a bed, shirtless, with Poe in a state in which Ben has already seen him too many times to be comfortable with it. "There's only my roommate Rey. I'm sure she won't mind if you tell her I told you to go, she's studying too". 

Ben's not sure if it actually makes sense or if his brain is too traumatized by everything he's witnessed ever since Poe started to date Finn to process things in a functional way. Maybe his neurons are forever damaged from the things he's seen in the past few weeks. 

Either way, he nods. It can't be worse than the common room and Finn's roommate can't possibly be more irritating than Armitage Hux. He will probably make a fool of himself with her because he doesn't know how to talk to another human being without putting his foot into his mouth, but, he thinks, it's worth the risk. 

"Alright," he replies, stepping in the room just to grab his books, trying his hardest to avoid looking at anything _else_. "See you around. Hopefully clothed". 

Before the door closes, he hears them _snicker_. The _audacity_ of them, honestly. 

The walk to Finn's room is brief and uneventful and he's absorbed in his thoughts – which mostly consist in an unfiltered stream of insults – when he knocks on the door, which, in hindsight, is probably why he ends up freezing on the spot when the door finally swings open and the most beautiful girl he's ever seen stands in the doorway, looking at him expectantly. 

Oh. 

_Oh._

Ben opens his mouth, then closes it, immediately forgetting every word he's ever known in his life. 

"Yes?" she asks him, raising her eyebrows and oh. _Oh_. "Can I help you?" 

He'd like to answer, truly – but all that's left of his brain is currently busy taking in the warm hazel of her eyes, the pattern of freckles dusting the bridge of her nose and her cheeks, the way her hair falls on her shoulders in soft waves. She looks at him and he's left speechless and it's not like he believes in love at first sight, but he's pretty sure his heart hasn't got the memo, because it does something weird inside his chest, as if fluttering crazily. It feels like the world has tilted on its axis and has started spinning the other way – it's a moment of revelation. 

When it becomes apparent that she's waiting for an answer, he clears his throat, his cheeks probably flushing bright. "I, uh, I'm– I'm Poe's roommate," he says, pathetically. "Finn and him– they're– uh–" 

Despite his best effort to be as incomprehensible as he can while going through some kind of existential crisis, she seems to understand him all the same, because she rolls her eyes. 

"Oh God, _again_?" she asks, letting out a frustrated groan. "Are they going at it _again_?" 

"Uh, yeah," he says, blinking her in and managing to look like the idiot he feels right now. 

He can't really look away from her face, which must probably be weird, but she's so – _beautiful_ , almost mesmerizing, with sharp features and yet a softness about her that leaves him breathless. It's this weird duality – the stubborn expression on her face and yet the unexpected kindness in the back of her eyes – that captivates him and this is probably the moment that changes his life forever, a fixed point in time, the exact instant in which his existence splits in two. 

Or, the moment Ben Solo falls head-over-heels in love with Rey Niima, two minutes after meeting her, like the hopeless romantic idiot he is. 

He clears his throat again, trying to focus on something else that isn't her face. "I–I wanted to study and I'm tired of staying in the common room and Finn said–" It's very difficult to remember what Finn said, because all his remaining neurons are currently busy focusing on the curve of her lips, the fair skin of her neck, the way she raises her eyebrows as if waiting for him to explain himself. "He– he told me I could come here to study and you wouldn't mind– Sorry, you must probably think I'm some sort of weirdo–" 

She snorts. It's not exactly graceful or dignified, but Ben is so enthralled by her he doesn't even pay attention to it. 

"No, don't worry about it, come inside," she tells him, swinging the door of her room wide open for him to step through. 

His arm brushes against hers when he passes by and he suddenly feels hot, as if he'd spent the last few hours in the sun, and wonders how red his ears are at the moment, then decides that he doesn't want to know. 

"Honestly, I get you," she says, her voice both fond and annoyed as she closes the door behind him. She scrunches her nose in the cutest way he's ever seen. "They used to do the same here, until I threatened to attack them with my pepper spray". 

"That's– That's a sensible strategy," he comments. 

The room she shares with Finn is probably similar to the one he shares with Poe, but it feels way more lived-in than his one does, mostly because it's kind of a mess. He can easily spot her side of the room, because it's almost cluttered – there are a few polaroids stuck to the wall, way too many throw pillows on her bed, countless books and sheets of paper lying around, and even a small collection of succulents on one of the shelves. There's a pile of clothes on her desk chair and a backpack unceremoniously thrown at the foot of her bed. Despite all the mess – which normally would make him freak out –, it feels _loved_. 

"You can borrow one of my cans of pepper spray, if you want," she replies with a smile that makes his heart thunder and, _oh_. She's got _dimples_. _Oh_. A fluttering feeling suddenly takes hold of his chest and he forgets how to breathe. "I'm Rey, by the way". 

He gulps, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm Ben," he tells her, pressing his lips together in a tentative smile and hoping he's not as crimson as he feels. "Sorry for barging in like this". 

She shrugs and – okay, maybe he's kind of whipped about her already, which is absurd but at this point his life is already so weird and this might as well happen, but he's entranced by the way she moves, so surely, as if she were perfectly aware of her place in the world and she owned it. 

"Don't be absurd," she says, another smile hanging on the corner of her lips. He thinks he's been staring at her dimples for at least five minutes now and he doesn't see himself stopping in the near feature. "Please, make yourself at home. You seemed pretty shocked. That bad?" 

She flops on the bed with careless grace, crossing her legs – long, shapely legs Ben is currently very preoccupied with. The leggings she's wearing do very little to hide them and he – he's never felt this kind of attraction before, but now he can't help but _look_ at her, in her oversized hoodie and messy hair and beautiful smile and he feels kind of dumb in the best way. 

He clears his throat _again_ and sits on the edge of the other bed, which he guesses belongs to Finn. 

"Yeah," he breathes out, holding on his books as if on a lifeline, as if they could protect him from the way his heart hammers in his chest every time she meets his gaze. "I mean, I'm happy for them and I know they're young and in love and whatever, I just wish they were young and in love someplace else where they can't traumatize me". 

The laughter she lets out is as bright and radiant as the rest of her, a silvery sound that echoes in the small room they're in, and she's _captivating_ to look at – she throws her head back and shakes unceremoniously, as if she laughed with all she had, and Ben thinks he's halfway in love with her already just by hearing her laugh. 

"Sorry I didn't mean to laugh, but your face–" She breaks down in another fit of giggles and she's so beautiful he thinks he probably won't mind if she'll laugh at his face for the rest of his life. "Sorry, sorry, I won't laugh– I'll tell you what, you can crash here anytime you'd like. I promise not to traumatize you or disturb you while you study." Her gaze falls on the books he's still holding and there's a hint of curiosity on the sharp, beautiful lines of her face. "What's that, by the way?" 

He's still recovering from her unexpected laughter, so it takes him a moment to understand her, follow her gaze and work what's left of his brain to actually manage an answer. 

"Uh, it's _North and South_." He then proceeds to do the dumbest thing ever, which is to point at himself like the idiot he is and announce, as if he were running for mayor of Nothing, "English major".

Her eyes light up and her lips curve into another breathtaking smile. 

"Oh, that's so cool," she says, and she makes it sound like she really finds it cool, which no one ever does. Usually, he just gets bored looks if he's lucky – but mostly, he's met with the sheer derision and the barely-hidden contempt of his peers he thinks he kind of deserves. But Rey looks at him like _that_ and he feels his chest go tight again. "I'm majoring in astrophysics," she adds, with a shrug, as if it was no big deal. 

"What? That's _amazing_ ," he breathes out, because it is, because _she_ is, and a faint pink hue spreads on her face, heightening her freckles. 

She shrugs again, but there's a smile on her lips and he wonders if anyone has ever told her she's wonderful. He kind of wants to be the first. 

"Anyway," she starts, looking up at him. "You can stay here anytime you want, for as long as you want. Single roommates solidarity, right?"

"I–" He wonders if she can hear the dull sound his heart is making, beating frantically against his ribcage as it is. If it's such a bad thing. If she'd mind so terribly. "Thank you, you're probably sparing me years of therapy". 

The smile she gifts him is bright and dimpled and Ben is starting to think it's already become his favorite. 

*

 **poe (9.48 PM):** _hey where r u??? finn left like 2 hours ago. went 2 dinner but you still weren't there when i came back._

 **Ben (10.12 PM):** _Sorry. Studying. It's a hard week._

 **poe (10.15 PM):** _where the fuck are u??? hux hasn't seen you at all in the common room this week i asked_

 **Ben (10.21 PM):** _As I said, I was studying._

 **poe (10.22 PM):** _yeah but where???_

**poe (10.22 PM):** _ben solo if u don't fucking answer me_

 **poe (10.22 PM):** _oh my god are u dating someone_

**poe (10.22 PM):** _u are aren't u_

**poe (10.23 PM):** _don't leave me on read u heartless bastard_

 **poe (10.27 PM):** _i hate u_

*

"So," Rey starts, swinging her legs as she lies on her stomach on her bed.

Her head is currently resting on one hand, while her other hand toys with the pen she's holding between her fingers. An array of books and notebooks is splayed in front of her, but she keeps her eyes fixed on him, with all their disarming brightness. 

"What's your favorite movie?" 

It's been a few weeks. A few weeks of this – of sitting across from her and being head-over-heels in love with everything she does. Of stepping into her room as if coming home after a long day and feeling at ease here. Of talking instead of studying, of getting to know each other instead of memorizing his notes, of Rey being Rey, and his heart being a foolish thing inside his chest. 

By now, he's got a favorite throw pillow of hers – the white one with little cacti all over it, he finds it weirdly relaxing to look at – and he's learned that the polaroids stuck to her wall depict her friends and the places she visited. He's come to understand the order to what she defines as her _organized mess_ , and he's become way too used to Rey distracting him with random questions. 

He barely raises his eyes from his book, even though he can see her anyway. Ignoring her is pointless – it would be like trying to ignore the air he's breathing. "Don't you have a test in a week?" 

Rey hums, leafing through her book. 

"I do," she confirms, then her gaze falls back on him and though he's trying his hardest not to look at her, he feels her eyes on him. "But you're so much more interesting to study. So, what's your favorite movie?" 

Ben presses his lips together. He's supposed to be studying – he's got a test in a few days too and finals are just around the corner anyway and he should focus, and yet. 

Yet, he can't stop looking at her – the way she stares at him above her books, the way she smiles when she catches his gaze, the fact that the oversized t-shirt she often wears has fallen off from one shoulder, revealing a bit of freckled skin he's kind of losing his mind over. 

"I don't know," he replies, looking down at the book currently resting in his lap – _Robinson Crusoe_ this week. He's sitting cross legged on Finn's bed, in a position in which he's grown way too comfortable in these past few weeks and he darts a nervous glance at Rey, before adding, "Probably _The Princess Bride_ ".

At this, her face breaks in the biggest grin he's ever seen and the dimples he's kind of obsessed with appear again on her cheeks, making his heart clench in his chest. 

"Oh my God," she says, bringing her free hand to her mouth as if to stifle a giggle. "Ben Solo, you're a _romantic_ ". 

The heat coming off his face would probably be enough to sustain the whole campus for the month, but he does the brave (or stupid) thing and pretends not to notice. "I'm definitely _not_ ". 

"You are." She tilts her head to the side as if to better look at him – as if he held the answer to a question known to her only. Then, her smile gets softer, almost a delicate thing, when she adds, "There's nothing wrong about it, you know. I like it".

Oh.

There's a fluttering feeling in his chest he's starting to get way too familiar with, and the worst thing is – he doesn't really mind. Not when it's about Rey, he supposes. He’d let her make a mess of his heart anytime she’d like.

He blushes again, averting his eyes and staring at the book he's supposed to be reading right now. Instead, he flexes his fingers and asks her, "What's your favorite movie?" 

She hums quietly under her breath before replying, still toying with the pen she's holding between her fingers. There are ink stains all over her hand from when she’d smudged her notes, but she pays it no mind and he's kind of entranced by her whole existence, as if she were a tune he couldn't help but dance along to. 

" _Wall-E_ ," she says, in the end. 

He blinks once, then twice. " _Wall-E_?" 

A chuckle escapes her lips when she looks at him, maybe noticing his confusion. "Yeah. I know everyone expects me to say _Interstellar_ or something like that and yeah, I love it, but–" She shrugs and she looks weirdly vulnerable as she does, as if she was trying her best to make herself smaller. "I think _Wall-E_ just resounds with me, you know?" 

He thinks he does. It’s the way she says it, almost as if afraid, that makes him aware of it. He knows – he knows _her_ , which is the most incredible part of it all. She's told him very little of her life before coming to Chandrila University and he's never asked, but – he knows about Jakku and the desert and he can imagine the loneliness it brings, how terribly alone she must have felt for her whole life. Yeah, he thinks he knows. 

"We should have a movie night. Or afternoon. Or whatever. I haven't seen _Wall-E_ in ages and I'd love to watch it with you," he tells her and the way she _lights up_ at that – God, he'd do anything to make her this happy, to make her eyes shine and her lips curve into the brightest smile he's ever seen. She's a star, a supernova blinding him with her light, and he thinks he'd let her burn his eyes every time. "You're so passionate about– well, everything. It feels almost a privilege, you know, to share something with you”. 

He's said way too much – and yet, she smiles and looks at him with such a _tenderness_ in the back of her eyes, and the distance between them is not made of feet and inches anymore, but it's filled with the beats of his heart, and the thing that’s tentatively blossoming between the two of them. 

She’s still smiling, when she replies. “You really have a way with words,” she says, so quietly and yet so surely, her voice the only thing he can hear for miles, along with the furious beating of his heart. It feels – sweet, almost tender, as if she were moved by his words, as if they meant something to her. “I suppose that’s what I get for being friends with an English major. Anyway, I’d love that. Watching _Wall-E_ with you”.

His heart is a fluttering creature and he doesn’t _dare_ to hope, but he can’t help the way he feels – as if he were hanging off the edge of his seat every time she tells him _something_. “You would?”

“Yeah,” she replies, easily. Her mouth is curved in a smile and he’d love to kiss it to know what it would feel like on his lips. What it would feel like to press a kiss to the dimples on the sides of her face. What it would feel like to trace the pattern of her freckles with his mouth. “I love sharing things with you”.

Oh. 

He tries his best not to turn crimson under her gaze, but he probably fails. “Alright,” he replies, his voice shaky and uneven to his own ears. Her smile widens at his reaction and he can't help but smile too, even if he tries his best to keep a stern face when he tells her, “Now, go back to study”.

She giggles and shakes her head, but goes back to study as they both should, and Ben spends the rest of the afternoon sneaking glances at her when she's not looking and feeling so stupidly, incandescently _happy_. 

*

"You haven't been around lately," Poe announces, as he takes a sip of his coffee. 

Ben barely pays attention to him, busy as he is going through his notes, currently splayed on this coffee shop table in what very much resembles the work of someone who's trying to solve a conspiracy. He's on the third cup of coffee of the day and his finals are in two weeks. Things are not going well. 

"Mh?" 

"You haven't been around lately," Poe repeats, slowly, as if Ben were a particularly obtuse child. At his words, he peers from his notes just to stare at his best friend, sitting opposite him at the table. Poe looks – _curious_ , which usually means trouble. "I haven't seen you in our room for, like, weeks".

Ben shakes his head, turning the page of his notebook. "I'm honestly surprised you noticed," he deadpans. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Poe bringing a hand to his heart and giving him a flash of his shocked face, though Ben knows him well enough to also know that this is just Poe being Poe, that is to say – unnecessarily overdramatic. 

"You wound me, Ben. Of course I noticed," he says, managing to sound deeply offended and awfully concerned at the same time, an impressive feat only Poe can manage. "Mostly because there wasn't anyone barging in while Finn and I–" 

"Please spare me the details," he interrupts his best friend, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You've traumatized me enough for the rest of my life". 

"–but still, of course I noticed you weren't around," he finishes, paying no attention to the lingering trauma he might have caused in Ben's already fragile psyche. Then, he seems to get to the point he actually wanted to discuss, because his lips curve into a smirk and his eyes glint a little bit too mischievously for Ben's tastes, which always signals some kind of humiliation is about to take place. "Which brings the question, where were you, if you weren't in our room?" 

Ben shrugs, doing what he usually does best – being an idiot and avoiding personal questions in the dumbest way possible. "I was studying," he replies, pointing at his notebooks as if they were the obvious answer Poe is quite stupidly missing right now. 

Poe rolls his eyes, as one does when he has to deal with Ben's bullshit, he supposes. "Yeah, I got that. But _where_?" he asks, raising his eyebrows and giving him a pointed look. Before Ben can say anything, though, he adds, "And don't say the common room, because I asked Hux and he said he hasn't seen you around either". 

This is enough to make him frown. "The fact that you keep asking _Hux_ about my whereabouts is actually concerning, you know".

"Well, I wouldn't have to ask him if you'd just _tell me_ , would I?" Poe asks, exasperated, accusingly pointing at him with his pen. "Where have you been?" 

There's no way he can talk himself out of his one. His father would disagree, probably, and he'd give him a lesson in being a stubborn idiot who lacks of self-awareness, but Ben knows that it's pointless to fight about it with Poe because he's known him for years and he knows he can be even more stubborn than Ben, so he just takes a deep breath and admits, his cheeks burning as if he were whispering the deepest secret of his heart, "I was in Rey's room, mostly". 

At this, Poe blinks once, then twice. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but he seems to be unable to form words, because he closes his mouth and blinks a third time too. Then, he frowns. "Rey?" 

He frowns too, confused. "Yeah, Finn's roommate?" He's so surprised by Poe's reaction that his words almost sound like a question. "Chestnut hair, freckles, looks like she could kill you with her bare hands–" 

"I know who Rey _is_ ," Poe interrupts him, coming back to himself enough to roll his eyes as if annoyed by Ben, which is a reaction he gets pretty often if he's being honest. "What I don't know is _why_ you're in her room and, more importantly, why you haven't told me anything about it". 

At this, he's left speechless. His cheeks are burning even more and he's vaguely aware he's passing a blushing limit he didn't know existed before, but it comes almost as an afterthought right now because – how can he explain it in a way that makes sense? 

It's not like he wanted to keep the whole Rey thing _secret_ from Poe. It's just that – those afternoons he spends in her room, watching her as she splays gracelessly on her bed or hearing her humming under her breath as she goes through her homework, are something way too intimate, too delicate, too _real_ to talk about. He feels _at home_ there – something he never thought he'd get before meeting Rey and letting her rewrite his whole existence. He's told her about growing up feeling ignored and abandoned by his family and she's told him about Jakku and the horrors it held for her. They've told each other about feeling alone for most of their life and – it almost frightens him, but it feels like they've silently vowed each other they'll never be alone again. 

No, he isn't keeping this a secret – but he's cherishing this, protecting this precious bubble from the outside world.

"I– look, remember when Finn told me I could crash into the room he shares with Rey?" Poe nods at his words, even though he doesn't stop looking at him like he's trying to read into his very soul. Ben shrinks into his shoulders, hopelessly trying to make himself smaller. "Well, she took pity on me back then and now she lets me stay there when you're having Finn over. Then I kind of got used to it and– I didn't want to keep it secret from you, I just– It's our thing, I guess, I wanted– I don't know, I wanted to keep it _ours_ ". 

This seems to come as some kind of revelation to Poe, because his eyes widen and he jaw goes slack and he looks at Ben as if he'd just told him something very dumb or very wise and he's trying to decide which of the two. 

"Oh my God, _Ben_ ," he croaks, putting emphasis on his name as if it were a swear word. It should probably be, given the amount of times people have uttered it with mild anger or sheer desperation. "Are you _falling_ _in love_ with Rey?" 

He wonders why an abyss never opens underneath you to swallow you whole when you most need it to. 

"No!" he exclaims. His skin must be hot enough to cook breakfast on it and for a brief moment he considers dumping everything and joining his uncle Luke in his hermit cabin on Ahch-To where civilization (and embarrassment) will never find him again. 

Then, he comes to the realization he'd probably end up murdering Luke with a fork after a week and a half. 

Poe gives him an eloquent look. "Are you okay? You seem pretty… _red_ ".

“Yes.” He takes a sip of his coffee, just to have something to do beside looking at Poe’s face, which is a very open, very suggestive book he doesn't really care about. "Don't look at me like that. I'm not in love with _Rey_ ". 

Maybe because he's thought about her now, but his mind seems to linger on Rey – the way she looks at him above her notes when she thinks he isn’t paying attention, the way her smile softens when he says something equally dumb and sweet, the fact that by now she lets him crash into her room even when Finn and Poe aren't around and how his heart always thunders in his chest every time he enters her room and drops down on Finn’s bed and she’s there, always ready to give him a smile. He thinks about all the times he's thought about kissing her, and the times they've almost touched, the way she lights up when he appears in her room and how she always watches him go with some sort of wistful look about her that he tries not to think about too much, but that's always on his mind late at night and–

Oh.

 _Oh_.

“Oh,” he breathes out.

Poe raises his eyes from his notes and a really annoying, knowing smirk makes its way into his familiar face. Ben thinks about erasing it with his head. “What?” 

“I think I’ve just realized–” he starts. “I’m in love with Rey”.

Poe just raises his eyebrows. 

It's annoying – mostly because Poe's _right_ , which is a tragedy in its own right, and Ben thinks he should have seen this coming ever since the day she opened the door of her room and he'd stared at her for ten minutes, and yet, despite it all, he can't find it in himself to mind. 

He – likes it, being in love with Rey. 

"Sap," Poe tells him, and Ben can't really disagree with him. 

*

By the time he reaches Rey's room, he's already texted her and she's left her door open, so he steps in without even having to knock, which is pretty convenient, since he's balancing his books and a travel mug from his favorite coffee shop in his hands. 

"Hey," Rey greets him weakly, as soon as she notices him. 

Her room is slightly messier than usual. The pile of clothes she normally leaves on her desk chair is reaching frankly alarming heights and there's a disturbing quantity of empty mugs of coffee lying around, mixed with cans of energy drinks. She's splayed on her bed as usual, a mess of books and notebooks surrounding her, but there's no trace of the familiar brightness in the back of her gaze when she turns into his direction. Instead, there are dark circles under her eyes and she looks oddly pale, her freckles almost black against her white face. 

She blinks him in once, then twice, as if trying her best to keep herself awake, fighting through the haze of her mind to make sense of his presence here. There's a smudge of ink on her cheek that makes his lips curl in a smile. "How did it go? Your final?" 

He shrugs, dumping his books on Finn's bed, which has become sort of his bed too, by now. He tries not to get too comfortable with the thought, and yet, he can't help it – this small dorm room, filled with books and throw pillows and polaroids on the walls, always in a state of mess he'd normally be horrified of, has become some sort of home, mostly because of the girl currently looking at him as if he hung the sky, despite how tired she obviously is. 

"I don't know, I'm keeping my fingers crossed," he replies, then he presses his lips together, studying her. She looks – so _dimmed down_ , as if everything about her had been dulled by her weariness, and Ben finds out in this moment he can't stand the thought. "When are you finals?" 

Her reply is accompanied by a nose-scrunch that always spreads some kind of warmth in his chest. 

"Two on Wednesday and one on Thursday," she says, then tries her best to stifle a yawn against the back of her hand, not really succeeding. She raises herself to a sitting position and runs a hand through the mess she has made of her hair, then points at the mug he's still holding. "What's that?"

He follows her gaze, then realizes he's still clutching the travel mug in his hand like the idiot he is because he was too busy staring at her. "Oh," he says pretty stupidly. Then, he closes the distance between the two of them and hands her the mug, pressing his lips together in a tentative smile. "For you. Drink it".

A hint of her usual brightness shines in the smile she flashes him and Ben's heart stutters in his chest. "Oh, thank you, you're an angel," she tells him, and her eyes are so soft and grateful he thinks he falls in love with her all over again. Her fingers brush against his as she grabs the mug, eliciting pleasant little shivers, then she brings it to her lips to take a sip and– "Wait a minute, this isn't coffee". 

He chuckles under his breath. "Nope," he confirms, as he starts to gather all her notebooks and the random sheets of paper she likes to write notes on, because she's just that _chaotic_. It makes Ben – meticulous, organized Ben, who's had a different color scheme for every subject ever since he was in middle school – shudder in terror. "It's chamomile tea". 

Rey is so stunned she doesn't even try to stop him from placing her notebooks on her desk, which looks pretty much like a monument to empty cups of coffee right now. "What the fuck?" 

He meets her gaze above the mug she's still holding in her hands and gives her a soft, sheepish smile, as if to placate any accusation from her. There's no anger though – she's clearly too tired for that, which feels even worse right now, because he can't bear the idea of seeing her like this. 

"You need to sleep," he tells her, because she _does_. Her eyes are blood-shot and she looks like she hasn't had a good night's sleep in at least two weeks, which sits uncomfortably with him, because he wants her to be happy and radiant and full of energy as she usually is, a blinding explosion of light barreling toward him, always managing to make him smile despite it all.

Rey, of course, being Rey and thus even more stubborn than he is – which is saying something –, just scoffs, as if he'd just said something exceptionally dumb. 

"I don't need to _sleep_ ," she replies, even if it's clear that she's trying her best to keep herself awake by blinking every few seconds. It would be adorable, if it wasn't so concerning. "I need to study, so if you'd be so kind to give me my notebooks back–" 

He isn't having it. 

"When was the last time you slept?" he interrupts her, raising his eyebrows in a knowing look. Rey opens her mouth, offended, probably to tell him that he needs to mind his own business thank you very much, but before she can say anything, he adds, "And I mean _really_ slept, not took a nap on your notes". 

This, apparently, is enough to silence her. She closes her mouth, then opens it again but no sound comes out of it and she looks at him with wide eyes, a faint pink on her cheeks that gives her face a bit of color back, as if embarrassed to realize that he knows her so well. Then, she presses her lips together, clearly annoyed by the fact that he's right. 

"Yeah, as I guessed," he tells her, shaking his head and his words tear a laughter out of her, as she begrudgingly takes another sip of chamomile tea. 

"Anyway, chamomile tea doesn't really help you sleep," she informs him, as she drinks the beverage he'd thought she needed. "There's no real evidence for it, most of the studies contradict each other. I think it's more like a placebo effect, you know. You convince yourself it helps you sleep and then it does because you thought it would".

This, of all things, makes him laugh – she's just so _stubborn_ , always trying to have the last word, and he loves her so much for it. Bickering has never been more fun or beautiful – he thinks he'd gladly spend the rest of his life in this room, letting her contradict him at every chance she gets. 

"Oh, please, talk dirty to me". 

She takes another sip of her tea, despite it all. "I didn't know scientific controversies were a thing for you".

He raises his eyebrows, a smirk on his lips. "You never _asked_ ". 

A chuckle escapes her lips and she's so beautiful to look at, even like this – her shoulders shake and her lips curve into a smile as if she couldn't help it, and there's a warmth blossoming in his ribcage, there where his heart is currently thundering. 

"I really, really need to study," she murmurs, in the end, as she raises her eyes to meet his gaze, her smile slowly fading from her face. "I've got three finals and–" 

"And you need to be well rested so you don't fall asleep on your exam," he replies, just as seriously. 

He grabs the last book on the bed and closes it with a soft thud, before placing it on the desk next to the others. His gaze falls on Rey, then – she looks so _small_ , as if without that bright, lively energy about her she'd suddenly shown him how vulnerable she actually is. 

It makes his heart twist unpleasantly in his chest. 

He sighs, then he does something he's been thinking of ever since he first stepped into this room – he sits on the bed next to her. 

He tries his best not to let her closeness go to his head, but it feels so _heady_ and _new_ and _intoxicating_ and it's the first time they've been so close. He can smell the lavender scent of her shampoo like this and can almost feel the rhythmic motion of her breath against his skin and maybe, maybe that's why he ends up blurting, "You need to rest, sweetheart".

The endearment slips from his lips without him noticing – it feels so normal, so easy, so devastatingly _right_. Everything does, when it comes to her, and loving her is the easiest thing he's ever done, falling for her as if stepping into the sun – something normal and yet breathtaking in its simplicity. 

Her eyes snap to his face. There's something in her gaze that he can't quite decode and she's so close he can actually count all the freckles on her skin, all the shades of hazel in her eyes. Rey doesn't comment on the endearment, but her expression turns softer somehow and her lips curve into a tentative smile that makes his pulse quicken, his heart racing into his chest as if desperate and starving for her attention. 

"Alright," she says in the end, and then she does something that turns his heart into a fluttering thing in his chest that yearns for her – she takes his _hand_ , lacing their fingers together with ease. "Will you stay, though?" 

Their fingers fit so _perfectly_ together. He looks down at their joined hands, swallowing down his heart, then he nods, raising his eyes. He can't help it – his thumb comes to caress her knuckles when he replies, and she shivers into his touch, making him _wonder_. 

"Of course," he says, with a reassuring smile. "I'll be on Finn's bed and–" 

"No," she interrupts him, softly. He can see she's fighting off the urge to sleep, and the fact that she's doing it just to talk with him makes something in his chest go tight, as if she had gripped his heart into her fist. He wants to press a kiss to her eyelids and tell her to just _sleep_ , because he won't leave her, not now and not ever. " _Here_ ".

She places her free hand on her bed, smoothing the creases she has caused lying down earlier, and it's clear what she means – and if it weren't, she tentatively raises her eyes to meet his, her lips slightly parted, pink on her cheeks and a heaviness in her breath, as if his answer could change her whole life. Ben blinks at her, wondering if this is really happening or if his sleep-deprived brain has finally snapped and he’s hallucinating it, but then his traitorous heart decides that it just _doesn't care_ and he finds himself nodding, eagerly, squeezing her hand as if to soothe her. As if to tell her, without speaking, that of course he'll stay, because he wants nothing else in this life than the possibility of holding her into his arms. 

"Yeah," he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper. Rey smiles so brightly, as if he'd just handed her the solution to all the world's problems, and every lingering doubt he had melts away, like snow during a sunny day. "Alright, let's sleep". 

That's how he finds himself lying down on her bed, with an armful of Rey. Her tiny mattress is way too small for both of them, so she stays mostly splayed on top of him, one of her legs thrown over his, her head resting on his chest, her arm safely wrapped around his torso. Not that he minds – it feels oddly right to stay like this, as if they'd done this before, as if they fitted together just right, two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that had finally found their way back to each other.

His heart hammers crazily against his ribcage and she can probably hear it, but she says nothing. Instead, she nuzzles further into his chest, as if to merge their bodies, and she's so _warm_ and _soft_ against him he thinks he'll never be able to fall asleep again, if not with her by his side. Her lashes flutter slightly against her cheeks as she stubbornly tries to stay awake, and he wonders if she's doing this because she's trying to savor this moment too – and in that case, he wants to tell her that she doesn't have to worry, that he'll be happy to hold her for the rest of his life, wanting nothing in return. 

Her battle against sleep is a pointless one, though, because she ends up closing her eyes and letting out a deep, shuddering breath. 

"This feels nice," she murmurs, her words already slurred together by sleep. He finds it too _adorable_ for his own good. Then, almost a whisper against his heart, "You _can_ hold me, you know". 

Oh. 

He hadn't thought of that. 

"Oh, right," he replies, softly as if not to disturb her, and his arm finds so easily its way around her shoulders, gathering her closer against him. She lets out a contented little hum and buries her head into his chest, her lithe body slotted so perfectly against his, as if they were both made for this purpose alone. 

Before he can second-guess himself, he presses a kiss to her forehead, a barely-there touch that elicits a pleased sigh from her, and that's when he notices it, as his eyes wander to her wall. 

"There's a photo of me on the wall," he says, as if deeply puzzled by this occurrence. 

It's clear that she's already half asleep by the time she replies, because the only thing coming out of her mouth is a slurred, "Mh?", muffled by the fabric of his t-shirt. 

He doesn't know why he insists on it – it feels almost instinctive, as if something deep within him ached to understand the meaning behind something so trivial. "You stuck a polaroid of me to your wall". 

He doesn't recognize the day it was taken. It must have been a few weeks ago, because in the photo he's still wearing one of his plaid shirts, before the heat wave struck. He's sitting cross-legged on Finn's bed, his eyes trained on the pages of his book ( _Villette_ , by Charlotte Brontë), his lips pressed together and his brows furrowed in concentration and – it's weird, seeing himself like this. It almost feels like he's seeing himself through Rey's eyes and her gaze is so terribly _gentle_ – it's like she lingers on his best features, turning his angular face into something softer, something _lovely_. He wonders how he never noticed it before – the utter tenderness in the way she looks at him. 

"Of course I did," she says, her voice thick with sleep. She burrows into him, her breath ghosting over his heart as she inhales and exhales, slowly, a rhythmic sound he wants to memorize. "I keep a photo of everyone I care about there to remind myself that I'm not alone anymore. You're the one I love the most, though". 

He must have heard it wrong. "You… _love_ me?" 

She lets out a soft, silvery giggle against his chest and – oh. _Oh_. He wonders if she's aware she's talking or if she just thinks she's dreaming – either way, it's the most beautiful moment of his life. "Of course I love you, you utter idiot," she manages to say, pressing the words right against the thin fabric of his t-shirt. "I've loved you since the first time I saw you". 

He widens his eyes and looks down at Rey, as if to divine all the answers to the questions swirling in his mind on the lines of her face, but there's no explanation there, and by the time he opens his mouth again, she's already asleep, snoring softly against his t-shirt. 

His heart doesn't stop fluttering for a long, long time after that. 

*

The sun is high in the sky by the time Rey leaves the building where she was taking her last final and Ben recognizes her immediately among the sea of students, the deep chestnut shade of her hair looking almost auburn when the rays of the sun hit her just right. 

She's beautiful as always – even in faded jeans and a plain t-shirt, even with her hair haphazardly tied into a bun, her backpack swung over one shoulder as she makes her way between all the other students. She captivates him and it's like he can't stop _looking_ at her, as if by magic. 

His heart races in his chest – a familiar sensation when it comes to Rey, as if it started to beat at another frequency every time she was near. This time, though, he can feel the nervousness, the anxiety of it – it seeps into his bones, steals his breath away, makes him hyper-aware of every muscle in his body, every movement of his heart inside his chest. 

He wonders if he's about to do something really stupid, then he decides he doesn't really want to know, which is probably the thought process he's been following for his whole life. 

Rey notices him straight away and his heart does that little jolt it always does when he's around her. Her eyes widen as she looks at him and she stops dead in her tracks for a second, as if to absorb his presence here, and then –

– she all but runs up to him, her lips curved into the brightest smile she's ever gifted him and oh, _oh_ , how painfully in love he is with her, how wonderful it is, to feel something so deep, to feel his soul come alive every time she glances his way

When she lets her backpack fall to the ground and throws herself into his arms, he's ready – it feels like he's been ready for his whole life, and he wraps his arms around her so easily, resting his chin on top of her head as she breathes him in, slowly, as if finally coming home after wandering for so long. 

It's – _oh_. It's beautiful, having her so close, her heart a fluttering thing pressed against his own, two eager creatures longing for each other. 

"How did it go? Your final?" he asks her, bending down to press a kiss to her forehead. It feels so _easy_ he doesn't have it in him to question it – he kisses her forehead because he wants to and because he can, and Rey doesn't complain. 

Instead, she hums, happily. 

"Pretty good, I think," she replies, then pulls away from him just to stare at him. Her lips are still curled into that breathtaking smile, but it's easy to read the confusion in the back of her gaze, when she looks at him. "What are you doing here? I thought we were supposed to meet this afternoon in my room". 

He shrugs. He's still got his arms around her, but she doesn't seem to mind and he's grateful for it, because now that he knows how it feels to hold her like this, he doesn't think he'll ever want to let go. 

He wants to spend the rest of his life in this moment of pure, shining happiness. 

"I asked Finn where you were supposed to take your exam," he explains, fully knowing his cheeks must be turning red. And yet, he doesn't care – not when Rey looks at him like that, like he's the only reason for this whole universe to exist in the first place. "I wanted to surprise you". 

She lets out a silvery giggle, her nose scrunching in delight this time. She's so – so _radiant_ , even in plain clothes and messy hair and dark circles under her eyes. The freckles he loves so much are more prominent than ever now that summer's just around the corner and she looks almost ethereal, something so beautiful he can't believe she's real and she's into his arms. 

"You definitely surprised me here," she replies, then, when her giggles quiets down. 

He raises his eyebrows, his lips curving into a smile out of their own accord. "A good surprise, I hope". 

It's almost magical – the light of the sun shines in a golden haze around them, as they stay there, on the quietest spot of the campus, surrounded by trees and flowers. The quiet hustle of the morning has dimmed down and there's only the two of them, holding onto each other, his hands splayed at the small of her back, her fingers digging into his shoulders, as if they both had no intention of ever letting go. 

Her grin is almost blinding when she replies. "The very best," she says and oh, it does things to his heart, hearing her say something like that. It must show on his face, because she shakes her head. "Why are you looking at me like that?" 

_Because you're wonderful_. _Because I can't believe you're real. Because I love you_. 

In the end, he says nothing at all. His hand slowly trails upward, brushing gently against the fabric of her t-shirt and eliciting shivers down her spine, then he hesitantly cups her face, his thumb stroking her cheekbone, counting the freckles underneath his fingertip. Rey looks at him, holding her breath as if in anticipation. 

And then, as the sun shines gently on her face, he bends down and kisses her. 

Her lips are so soft and sweet and wonderful – he thinks he could spend his whole life like this, kissing her, pressing his mouth against hers until summer fades into autumn and autumn trembles into winter, until the world stops turning and they're the only ones left. She parts her lips immediately, as if she'd been waiting for this moment her whole life, wraps her arms around his neck, kisses him back with the fierce tenderness he's learned to associate with her, and he shivers in her embrace when she sinks her hands into his hair, threading her fingers through those strands so slowly, as if to savor this moment suspended in time. 

She's the first to break away to breathe, but she stays into his arms, her hands playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, her heart beating erratically against his own, so loudly he can feel it, hear it in the space between them. Her eyes are full of love and tenderness and wonder and there's an awestruck expression on the lines of her beautiful face and Ben thinks – God, he's never been more in love. 

"Oh," she breathes out, surprised and yet so burningly happy he can see it too. Her lips, red from kissing, curve into the softest, most beautiful smile she's ever gifted him. "Not that I'm complaining, but what the hell? Where did it come from?" 

He laughs. It's such a quiet sound, but almost deafening in the silence that surrounds their bubble, and he's not used to it – hearing himself laugh. He realizes he's been laughing more than he's ever done in his life, ever since he quite literally stepped into Rey's life and he wants to tell her how rare, how incredible she is, how much she's changed him, how she's brought sunshine in his dull, grayscale life and rewritten it all. 

It feels like she already knows, because when he grins down at her – a crocked, boyish thing –, she comes to brush her fingers against the dimples on his cheek, with such a tenderness in the back of her eyes that he feels it seeping into his bones. 

He rests his forehead against hers and tells her, "You kind of talk in your sleep". 

At this, she blinks, then she searches his eyes as if to read her answers here, and a red hue comes to dust her cheeks in the most adorable way when she notices the way his smile is slowly turning in a smirk. "Oh?" she says, raising her eyebrows. "And what did I say?" 

He bends down to press his lips against hers, softly, just the barest hint of touch that brings the promise of more, and she sighs against him, the trembling of her lashes feeling like a hurricane against his skin. 

"That you loved me," he murmurs, sweetly, his breath mingled with hers, as he leaves a trail of small, worshipful kisses from the corner of her lips to her jawline. "That you've loved me ever since you first saw me". 

Her hands sink again into his hair, bringing him closer, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "Oh. I did?" 

"You did. Which is really convenient," he adds, and he's grinning so much it's becoming sort of difficult to kiss her, and yet, she's shown him how to be stubborn and persistent after all and he doesn't think he's going to give up now. "Because I've loved you for quite as long".

After this, they stop talking for a while. 

*

 **poe (6.45 PM):** _BEN SOLO_

**poe (6.45 PM):** _THE NERVE OF U_

**poe (6.45 PM):** _THE AUDACITY_

**poe (6.46 PM):** _AFTER ALL THE TIMES U LECTURED US_

**poe (6.47 PM):** _I CAN'T BELIEVE U WOULD TRAUMATIZE MY BOYFRIEND LIKE THIS_

**poe (6.47 PM):** _U HUGE HYPOCRITE_

**Ben (8.45 PM):** _Well, Poe._

 **Ben (8.45 PM):** _You know how it is._

 **poe (8.52 PM):** _UGH_

 **poe (8.52 PM):** _ur the worst_

**poe (8.52 PM):** _i hate u_

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you liked all the silliness!! friendly reminder that i'm also on [twitter](https://twitter.com/akosmia) and [tumblr](http://kylorensx.tumblr.com/), probably shitposting or complaining about the lockdown!


End file.
